The closer I grow to the heart of Jesus, the more and more astounded I am at His grace in my life. A huge part of my walk with Christ has been recognizing that He is my Rescuer, and to learn that I first had to realize my need to be rescued!

 

I grew up in a wondeful Christian home with parents who loved me and told me about the Lord. My mom had me going to Bible studies through BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) ever since preschool. I became active in the youth group at my church in middle school and high school, creating some very solid Christian friendships. I had a great relationship with my parents and never really got into trouble - basically, I NEVER went through any kind of rebellious stage at all. Through Bible studies and church, I stored up a huge amount of knowledge about the Word and about God, and tried to incorporate that into my life to the best extent that I knew how to do.

 

Getting to college brought some pivotal changes in my relationship with Jesus. I went to K-state in the Fall of 2002, and immediately began checking out all of the Christian ministries on campus. God led me to Navigators and kept me there after my first time visiting, and I slowly increased my involvement throughout the year. I got involved in a Freshmen Connection Bible study with an amazing woman, Emily, as my leader. She and I bonded throughout the year and she began to disciple me one on one during my sophomore and junior years. Emily really showed me what it looked like to dig into the Word of God and feed myself from It. Through my time in the Word, my time with Emily, and other involvements in Navs, I really began to see the bigger picture of how to incorporate all of my "God knowledge" into my daily life.

 

My junior year of college was the biggest turning point in my walk with Christ in two ways. It was during the fall of my junior year that God really opened my eyes to see my need to be rescued. Because I had always been a "good kid" and had never been even close to rebellious, my inner heart attitude was one of self-sufficiency and pride, thinking that because I had always been good, Jesus didn't have to work quite as hard to save me as He did all the "really rebellious kids." God ripped open my heart to show me this prideful attitude and really broke me down to see that I am completely inadequate and insufficient for anything in my life apart from Christ. He showed me that apart from Him, I am nothing; that all my righteous deeds are like dirty rags. He opened my eyes to see that He had indeed rescued me from the dominion of darkness, that I would be just like the girls on my floor living up the "college life" if He had not intervened in my life.  It then became a battle to not condemn myself for my inadequacy, but instead to recognize that it is CHRIST in me that is adequate. I still struggle with this balance in my life today, realizing that I am nothing but that Christ in me is everything. Galations 2:20 has been huge for me in this arena: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me." God is teaching my heart to believe that if this verse is true, then all the things that I alone am inadequate for become filled up in the sufficiency of Christ.